


Pain

by firehawk05



Category: Hakuouki
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-22
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-27 14:09:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5051431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firehawk05/pseuds/firehawk05
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Originally posted in response to a prompt at the 31_days community (Sept 25 Everything that gives us pleasure also gives us pain). Saitou POV, set post series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pain

It's night. I m back in headquarters cleaning my katana. In the distance, erratic, stumbling footfalls echo along the corridor. Heisuke's laughter rings out, the slightly too loud laugh of someone who is quite drunk and doesn't quite care if everyone knows it.

 

There's a quiet satisfaction to be had admiring a clean blade in the candlelight.

 

_But this cannot be._

 

A long hacking muffled cough from the adjacent room. Souji probably.

 

_But he's probably dead by now._

 

A knock on my door and a familiar voice asks permission to enter.

 

My heart spasms painfully.

 

_He's definitely dead. I m dreaming._

 

_This is impossible._

 

_But I don't want to wake right now._

 

"Saitou. Come to my room when you have time."

 

The familiar gruff voice. The hard, cold eyes. That practiced mask. The mask of a demon.

 

"Yes Fukuchou."

 

_If I open my eyes, right now, they're all dead. If I stay here, there's a chance._

 

_No. There's no chance. It's a dream. It's not real._

 

_Nothing I do here can change their fate._

 

Even then. I linger in the dream. Trying to take in every last fleeting detail of my room. The familiar sounds of the troops settling in for night. The sliding door as it grates back into position as final as the closing of a tomb. The familiar silhouette as it passes into the corridor beyond my room and disappears from view.


	2. Lullaby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted in response to a prompt at the 31_days community (September 26/Singing simple melodies that no one ever heard). Saitou x Chizuru (set after ending in Saitou route in the game). Mention of fictional son character.

A wail breaks the silence, rousing me from an an uneasy fitful slumber.  Yukimura, no Chizuru, is sleeping soundly next to me.  Blinking away tangled and confused dreams in which past and present commingle, I finally rouse myself sufficiently to remember where I am and what I should be doing next.

 

_Ah.  Yes.  The child._

 

Turning over carefully, I reach out to comfort Makoto.

 

"There there." I murmur vaguely  "What seems to be the issue little one."

 

He looks at me soberly while I check his diaper.

 

"Are you perhaps uncomfortable?  Maybe I should change it."

 

Stumbling out of bed, I grope around and finally succeed in lighting a candle.  Diaper changing takes a little longer but eventually it's applied satisfactorily.

 

He squirms again in my arms, eyes dark and unreadable.

 

"Er."

 

Then as he scrunches his face up to wail again, I bounce vaguely on my heels and murmur what I hope sounds comforting.  This new idiocy is met with an inscrutable look but Makoto quietens down.

 

"Perhaps you want to be held?"

 

Lowering myself to the floor, I cradle my child securely and lean back against the wall.  A frown creases his brow.

 

"Ah.  Ok.  So perhaps it is this movement  then?"

 

As I rock him awkwardly, the frown fades away, for a while.  Then it returns.

 

"Perhaps you could wait till the morning?  Your mother is asleep right now.  Unless it's something I can do.."

 

What was it that Chizuru usually hummed as a lullaby...

 

"Ah. Yes."

 

A combination of humming softly and rocking seems to finally satisfy the child and he falls asleep with his thumb in his mouth.

 

_It's probably not the most onerous thing I've had to stay up doing._

 

_It's quite peaceful like this. A quiet satisfaction settles on me as I watch my child sleep._

 

_Maybe I ll continue this for little bit more before putting him back to bed._

 

...

 

I wake with a start leaning against the wall, both legs completely numb under me.  My arms are empty. For a moment, panic touches me.  Then I look up to find Makoto safely in my wife's arms before heaving an audible sigh of relief.

 

"Thank you for your hard work last night."

 

"Don't mention it." I murmur.


End file.
